Millenium Bling
by GarnetVengeance
Summary: When a girl appears bearing the 8th Millenium Item, The Millenium Bling, chaos follows. What's a boy, his spirit, and their friendship toting friends to do? Parody on all those '8th Millenium Item' fics, apologies to those authors who have written one.
1. Prologue

Opening Notes: Before anyone goes and flames me for Mary-Sue's and crap, for GOD'S SAKE, READ THIS. THIS. IS. A. PA-RO-DY. I'm making FUN. I'm doing it on PURPOSE. Also, if you've written a fic that involves the same… stuff as this one, don't take offence, please. I'm not insulting YOU. For all I know, it could be utterly joygasmic, your fic. All I know is I've seen one too many of these, and it's beginning to annoy me.

So, with all that said, if you're willing to go on, please do, and enjoy!

Also, apologies for those of you who don't like English names – I agree with you. English versions are evil, especially Yugioh. However, I feel that in order to make this a proper parody, I should use English.

* * *

Prologue

* * *

It was an unusually dark night. It seemed as if, though the stars themselves were far removed from the lives of men, they had chosen to hide themselves from the horrors that were passing this night. The moon, as well, had hidden itself behind the clouds, turning its all-seeing eye from the girl running helplessly through the wood. 

Something was chasing her.

She didn't know what, only that she had to get away.

The golden necklace hanging around her slender neck seemed to get heavier with each passing second.

Was it trying to stop her?

* * *

Yugi sighed, stretching as he watched Joey wolf down yet another burger. It was a Saturday, and, having nothing better to do with their time (No one was currently trying to take over the world) the pair had decided to go eat. As usual, they had gone to the burger joint Téa worked at, so that Joey could tease her as he often did. That, and she normally got them a deal of some sort. 

"Joey…" He began, a whine entering his voice, "Aren't you done _yet?"_

"Wat'cha talkin' 'bout, Yug? I'm a growin' boy!" He grinned around a chunk of meat.

"Ewwww, Joey, close you mouth!" Yugi grimaced.

"Wat'sa matta, Yug? Can't handle a little meat?" He stuck his tongue out, half-chewed burger and all.

"Gross!" Yugi exclaimed.

All of a sudden, though, as the two boys playfully horsed around, sound stopped. The joint was busy, but for a moment, all the boys heard was the gentle 'click' of the door closing behind someone as they entered the restaurant.

As soon as the door clicked shut, as though a plug had been pulled, and sound came flooding back.

Yugi and Joey, however, remained silent.

She was the most beautiful girl they'd ever seen.

Her long, black hair was thrown back in a loose tie, her bangs fanning slightly over her eyes, drawing attention to the bright crimson of the irises. She was a pale girl, a stark contrast to the dark colors that adorned her – a black vest, covering the black-and-red stripped shirt she wore underneath. She wore a school-girl style skirt, red and black as well, with black leggings and massive buckled boots. On her arms she wore fingerless fish-net arm covers, and a variety of jewellery.

One of which was a particularly _enormous_ golden necklace that hung around her neck. It was so huge, in fact, that Yugi would go so far as to call it bling.

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End Prologue

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Closing Notes: Excuse me, I'm going to go take a bath to try and scrub off the cliché. Nggggggggh. English Joey's bad English burrrrrrns. Where did they get the New York Accent from!

Keep in mind, this is a comedy. It'll get funnier with time. : 3


	2. A New Evil?

Opening Notes: Yay! You came back! We have a bit more comedy this chapter, pretty soon off the bat, too.

Warning: Smoking.

* * *

Chapter One: A New… Evil?

* * *

Bakura took a long drag on his cigarette, blowing the acrid smoke out slowly, before opening his eyes lazily to stare at the short multicoloured boy before him. He was leaning languidly against a wall in some random back-alley, sitting on a miscellaneous box, exuding cockiness.

"Let me get this straight." He began slowly, shifting himself into a more comfortable position. "You want me –_ me, _the one that's attempted to kill you and all your little friends," At this little comment he swept his hand through the air, leaving a thin trail of smoke, "To help you? Whom I hate?" His arm stiffened and tossed the cigarette to the side. Making a disapproving sound, he glared at the hand, before turning back to the boy before him.

"Um, yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it." Yugi gave his best puppy-dog-look to the thief.

Bakura shifted again, the points of his Millennium Ring jingling together gently.

"Let's get out of here, Yugi." The gothic girl standing next to the boy in question sniffed, "Even if we _did_ need help, we certainly couldn't get it from this wigger."

"Wigger!" Bakura exclaimed, "And who are _you_ to call me – Bakura, King of Thieves, a wigger?" He glared, leaning forward.

"The name's Black Sweetpea." She glared back, tossing her black hair over her shoulder. "My friends call me BS. You, of course, may not."

'_A beautiful name for a beautiful person, right Bakura?'_ Bakura's lighter half whispered in the back of his mind.

'…' The Spirit of the Ring had no response, instead choosing to ignore his host's comment and turning back to the girl as she continued.

"… and you are so _obviously_ a wigger. Like, look at you!" She scoffed, motioning to Bakura's choice of style that particular day.

On his head, Bakura had chosen a black toque, shoved over his snow white hair. He had a powder-blue mid-drift bearing shirt, fairly tight, with an iron-grey coat that reached just about to his knees thrown over top, with the ever-present millennium ring to top it all of.

"Don't dis the threads." He hissed, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of a pocket that shouldn't have existed due to physics and the tightness of his outfit. His arm stiffened again, tossing the pack out of his hands just as he managed to find his lighter beneath the fold of his hat. "Damnit!"

"Hey, Yugi…" BS began as she watched the thief begin to beat his hand, "What's wrong with him?"

"I'm assuming his host isn't letting him smoke." Yugi shrugged, before turning his attention back to the other, "So, will you help us?"

"I don't see why I should. Call me a wigger…" Bakura growled, balancing his face in his hand.

Yugi was silent for a moment, pondering what to do. It was obvious they needed Bakura's help… he was the only one who really understood what they were up against. BS stood uncomfortably beside him, shifting under the Spirit's intense gaze.

"You know, little Yugi…" Bakura grinned, eyes still trained on the girl. "You _were_ foolish enough to wander into my territory… And I'm sure my boys wouldn't mind taking revenge for that little 'wigger' comment…" He grinned wickedly.

"Yugi… what does he mean, 'boys'?" BS whispered urgently beside him.

"Did I forget to mention Bakura has a gang?" Yugi laughed nervously.

"Word." Bakura grinned, snapping his fingers. Suddenly, men seemed to appear, born of the darkness itself.

"W-wait! Bakura!" Yugi cried, waving his hands in front of his face.

"Why should I? I certainly don't like either of you. Boys, do me a favour and get them out of here. Take his necklace while you're at it." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Dat sure is some nice bling, boss!" One laughed, "Almost as nice as yours!"

"Which is why you should get it off him. Now."

"Now-wait-just-a-minute!" BS cried, a golden glow bursting its way from the general vicinity of her neck, "I have NO INTENTION of being mugged, especially by a little pretty boy like you!" She snarled.

"What the!" Bakura gasped, his Ring flashing at the challenge, though it soon fell back against the more powerful light of the girl's glow.

The light faded, and Yugi was the first to break the silence.

"Ehehe…. Did I forget to mention she has a Millennium Item? One that's even more powerful than the puzzle?"

Silence followed his remark.

"… Well why didn't you SAY so?" Bakura laughed, his expression changing entirely. "What do you need help with?"

* * *

The dark figure cackled, the symbol on his forehead glowing brighter.

"Now, go forth, and do your master's bidding." He grinned.

"Praise be." The man standing before him stated.

* * *

"He didn't do anyt'in', right Yug?" Joey asked, glaring suspiciously at the toque-d man glaring at the blonde from behind the short teen.

"I agreed to help, if that's what you mean by 'anything'. With a 'g'." He growled. They were inside Yugi's Grandfather's Game Store, having a 'tactical meeting' over what to do next.

"In exchange for her Millennium item, once this escapade is over and done with." Yugi smiled.

"Ya can't let 'em do dat, Yug! He wants ta' open da gates of hell an' unleash da devil 'imself on ta da world!" Joey exclaimed.

"No I don't. I just want to take over the world. This has to be kid-friendly, and that's _so_ much better, considering." Bakura scoffed, examining his nails, "And his name is Zork, thank you very much." He added.

"… BS, ya gotta listen! He'll just use ya' item ta take over da world!" Joey exclaimed, turning his attention to the girl standing nearby.

"He can't do that with just one item, Joey. I'd be happy to get rid of it." She said softly, looking vulnerable.

"You could always just give it to me now." He grinned.

"I can't do that. Not until I deal with… _him._" She sighed.

The door jingled loudly as it was violently thrown open. BS cried out softly, half-expecting her nemesis to be standing there.

"Kaiba!"

"Kaiba!"

"Well, if it isn't Kaiba."

"Kaiba? THE Kaiba?"

"Yes. Me." He smirked, standing in the doorway, looking rich and handsome. "Is the entire geek squad here?" He raised a finely groomed eyebrow.

"No, just those two." Bakura sighed, waving a hand in the direction of Joey and Yugi.

"You're part of that classification too, you damn Viva Puff." He snapped.

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "You _need_ to get out more, you damn _sorcerer._" He sneered.

Yugi blinked, "I thought he was a priest?"

"Kid-friendly!" Bakura chastised, "Though I fail to see how witchcraft is any better than religion…" He muttered.

"And besides, the proper term for him would be 'wigger'." BS added.

"Go to hell!" Bakura snarled.

"In any case, what are you doing here, Kaiba?" Yugi asked, turning back to the CEO.

"I came to duel you, because… that's what I do." He said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"We can't afford ta let Yugi duel ya' right now! We gotta save da world!" Joey protested.

"Again?" Kaiba sighed, "Can't you losers let someone _else_ save the world for once? Like the police?"

"The police couldn't handle this, you impudent jack-ass!" BS snarled, turning to the teen in question.

"My, seems like _someone's_ got a bit of a mouth on her." He smirked, stepping forward to loom over her.

Silence reigned as she stared defiantly back.

"I'm surprised." He said, smirking, "Someone who's got some bite to add to their bark. Unlike _some_ dogs I know." He motioned to Joey, '_And such lovely eyes…' _He added mentally, before turning to face his rival, "I don't care about you and your stupid little 'Shadow Games', Yugi. I want to duel you, now. My deck's been re-vamped just for this day."

"I can't duel you now, Kaiba!" Yugi said, his voice deepening as he switched to Yami, "Can't you see the world is in danger? This is no time for you and your petty rivalries! Why don't you –"

"Face the truth and join up with you? No thanks, that would be too out of character for me." He scowled, "Besides, what _is_ this 'great evil', anyways?"

Yami turned to BS, "Maybe it would be better if she explained it."

* * *

"That has to be _the stupidest _story I've ever heard. And I tend to hear a lot, being around these dopes that often." Kaiba sniffed.

"It's true! And if we don't do something, he'll convert everyone!" BS protested, "I'm the only one who can stop him, but… I can't do it alone…" She looked pleadingly at the group, "I'm not normally one to ask for help, but… You guys know better than I what we're up against."

"And why are _you_ the only one that can stop him?" Bakura asked, sitting on the counter.

"Because my Millennium Item gives me immunity from his powers." She explained.

"And your item is…?"

She sighed, slipping her vest off, revealing a huge, golden necklace in the style the Egyptian pharaohs used to wear – similar to a snake bone necklace of the modern day, only much, _much_ larger, "It's called the Millennium Bling."

* * *

He seemed to materialize out of the shadows themselves, a grin working its way onto his face. He'd finally found them… this time, he'd definitely defeat them. This time, the Millennium items, and the power of God would be his.

He stepped out of the alley, and crossed the street, on his way to the game shop across the way.

* * *

"The Millennium Bling…" Bakura frowned, "I can't say as I've ever heard of it. And I was there when the items were made."

"Maybe ya' just didn't notice dis one?" Joey offered.

Bakura snorted, "Yeah, me and the rest of the world."

The door jingled gently.

The entire world seemed to slow, as the group turned to face the newcomer.

"Long time, no see, everyone." He grinned menacingly.

"Marik!" They cried.

"That's impossible!" Yami cried, "We sent you to the Shadow Realm!"

"You did… and ironically enough, that's where I found the light." Marik said, looking solemn.

"What do you mean?" Yami growled.

"It's like I've been born again… Christian!" Marik cried, flaring his papal purple came for dramatics. "So, I have made it my mission to convert everyone to the Lord's side, using this!" He held up the Millennium Rod, light beaming simultaneously from the eye, and his forehead, only this time… the shape was different.

"A fish?" Joey exclaimed.

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End Chapter 1

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Closing Notes: I had difficulty writing this. I couldn't stop laughing. And to think, this entire story spawned from me going, 'Would you call the Millennium Ring Bling?', and someone else responding, 'You put Bakura in a toque and stick him in an urban setting, and I will call his Millennium Ring bling.'

And the rest… just spawned.

Like the Christian thing. I have nothing against Christians, though! I am one. Not devote, but I am one. Please don't take offence.

So, in closing… I hope you all enjoyed this. There's more lameness on the way! Reviews make them come faster, though.


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